Soul Of A Lion

This last weekend I had the pleasure of attending an MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) event at UVU (Utah Valley Day Care).  Here is a running diary of some of the thoughts and impressions I had that night:

6:30 Headed to the UCCU center with some friends.  I think the last time I went here I was going to a Utah Flash game.  I got chosen to do a contest where I launched a wadded up t shirt at a target in the stands while blindfolded.  I nailed it and won $1,500 off LASIK eye surgery.  I wonder if I will win anything tonight.

6:35 I'm mad that I didn't have time to go buy an Affliction or Tapout shirt.  I'm wearing Nike.  I hope this doesn't get me beat up.

6:50 We get in and find some seats.  Not very many people here yet but the set up actually looks pretty legit. Ring in the middle surrounded by floor seats and people in the stands.

6:51 People sitting ringside have some pretty smug looks on their faces.  One guy in particular thinks he's such a baller for sitting so close.  Calm down dude this isn't a Laker game, you probably work for the city.

7:05 The show starts with three rappers in the ring.  The lights are still on because people are coming in.  These guys are like The Beastie Boys if they had grown up in a trailer.

7:06 This is a painfully awkward concert.  Like TJ Fredette at BYU games awkward.

7:08 These guys actually aren't that bad, but if they tell me to put my hands in the air one more time I am gonna lose it.  I came here to see two idiots beat the tar out of each other, not a rap concert.

7:10 Lookin around at the crowd we have here and this line from Happy Gilmore immediately comes to mind:  "Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational."


7:30 The fighting is about to get underway.  The name of this event is WCFC.  I can only assume this stands for White Chrash Fighting Confederation.


8:00 It is actually pretty quiet during the actual fights and you can hear individual people yelling stuff.  Some guy behind us isn't too concerned about strategy and keeps urging the fighters to "Hit each other in the face!!!"  I'm with you buddy.


8:05 Guy in front of me tells his friend that the ring girl is "the hottest girl I have ever seen."  This would only make sense if his next statement was, "Oh yeah, also my eyes just started working."


8:20 Dog fighting is viewed as one of the most vile things a person can do but we televise and applaud UFC. I will never understand this.  Maybe if we gave the dogs money?


8:25 They just announced that one of the fighters is going to be a grandpa.  He can't be older than 32 but everyone cheers.  There is no hope for this crowd.  


8:40 Before every fight we are making predictions on who is going to win.  My two rules on betting on UFC that I just made up: 1) Don't ever bet against the guy with neck tattoos.  Neck tattoos are crazy and you never bet against crazy.  2) Don't ever bet against the guy wearing booty shorts.  Fighting is all about confidence.


8:50 This tournament is set up with 8 fighters each in welter and heavyweight divisions.  One five minute round for each fight and winner advances to the end.  Kinda like the movie Warrior but all in one night.  I'm just hoping that two of these dudes are brothers and will be fighting for the championship.


8:55 Guy in front of me says, "You know what, actually that ring girl is pretty gross." Yes she is and she is in for a rough life.  There is hope for him.


9:00 After winning, one of the fighters is asked about his training and future plans.  He says he does other things now and this is just a hobby.  I love it.  "I don't even take this very seriously and I'm still gonna kick your guys' trash."


9:10 While listening to one of my friends talk about how he could probably beat a few of these guys, I have a great idea.  Anyone talking like this can hop in the ring and fight another self-proclaimed tough guy between fights.  Winner gets $100.  We get to see some tool get dominated and the world has one less tough guy.  Everyone wins.


9:15 Lady near us just yelled, "Give him a shot to the face!!!"  I have never been so unattracted to anyone in my life.


9:16 UFC fans= Nick Cage fans= Nickelback fans


9:25 This heavyweight fighter who looks about 40 pounds overweight attempts a move that can only be described as a spinning ultimate punch.  Had he connected, it might have been the coolest thing ever.  He didn't and got knocked out quickly after.


9:40 A heaveyweight comes out dancin to Party Rock Anthem.  Awesome.  Just awesome.  I immediately like this guy.


9:50 Just noticed there is a guy that comes in between fights and cleans up the blood in the ring.  What a life.


10:00 Thinking about the best fight I ever saw.  I was in 8th grade and we were walking to science class.  For some reason our teacher's class was over in the 7th grade hall so we had to walk across the whole school with empty hallways.  Two kids passed each other in front of me, started arguing, and began fighting.  They grabbed each other by the front of their shirts and started trading punches to the face.  Neither of these kids weighed over 90 lbs and didn't have the strength to actually do any damage to each other, so they continued to trade punches for a couple minutes.  They finally tuckered themselves out, pushed each other, exchanged profanities and went to their next class like nothing ever happened.


10:10 Just realized that our cage is only a heptagon.  Where are my other 180 degrees??? I feel jipped and this event just lost a lot of legitimacy.  Is the octagon proprietary to UFC?


10:30 Heavyweight title fight and my boy comes out shufflin' to Party Rock again.  While I hate this song, I can't help but root for him.


11:00 Party Rock dude wins easily.  He gets a large trophy equivalent in size to a 6 place finish at a dance competition and gives it to a make-a-wish kid in the crowd.  I knew there was a reason I liked this guy.  This tender moment isn't lost on the crowd.  There may be hope for these people.


11:05 While we are getting ready to leave, some people up front start arguing. I can't help but think how funny it would be to see these idiots, pumped-up from having just watched 3 hours of dudes punching each other, get into their own fight.


11:06 They get seriously close to a fight.  There is no hope for these people.