I spent a lot of time thinking of what I should say about my father in this talk. It's hard to pick an angle to take when you have so many options for explaining why your father is so amazing. I blame this on you Dad. If you were a worse father this would have been a lot easier to pick the one good thing I could say about you. It's ok though, I forgive you.
Me and Dad at graduation. I can't remember who was graduating that day. The hat is on my head though...
As I thought about fatherhood and what that means, a song lyric kept coming into my head.
"I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a dad."
I've been thinking about this lyric a lot. What does that even mean? What is the difference between a father and a dad? Aren't they synonymous? I went to dictionary.com for some answers to these questions. Under Dad the definition only said, "an informal way of referring to a father." When I looked up father I found many more definitions, one of which was, "a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; a protector or provider."
The difference that this song writer was trying to point out, and the difference according to the dictionary, is that the title "father" means so much more than dad. "Dad" simply shows the biological bond between a man and his offspring, while "father" indicates an emotional bond. As the definition said, father shows that there is some care being provided by the male parent.
Luckily for me, unlike the songwriter, I can absolutely say that I have a father and not just a dad. But that made me think, well what makes him a father to me? Is it all the stuff he buys for me? Is it the time he spends with me? Is it the golf lessons he has given me over the years? As I thought about some of the bad golf tips my father has given me over the years, I knew that couldn't be it. He has provided me with a lot of stuff over the years, but do material things really matter in forming a solid father-son relationship? After thinking about all these things, I realized the greatest thing my father has done for me, he has taught me. And more specifically, he has taught me to live the gospel. I want to share some examples of how my father has taught me to live the gospel through his example.
Note: I'm going to use the words father and dad interchangeably from here on out. Forget about the top two paragraphs now
When I think about the example my father has set for me, the first thing that comes to mind is how he treats other people. The scripture John 13:34-35 immediately comes to mind. "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Anyone who knows my dad knows that he immediately likes everyone. This is a trait that I cannot say I inherited from him. I feel a lot more like my mother when it comes to this. We don't dislike everyone we come across, but we need to get to know someone before we decide that we like them. My father just gives everyone the benefit of the doubt from the start. If he judges and makes preconceived notions about people he certainly doesn't show it. I can't remember the last negative thing my father has ever said about anyone. (Note: This statement does not apply to short people. He loves to make fun of short people. I don't quite understand this as he is only 6'1".) Do I think that my dad loves everyone? No. (Although I really have no proof otherwise) Maybe deep down there are some people who bother him, but you wouldn't know it from his actions. He treats everyone he meets like they are his closest friends. In this aspect, he is truly a disciple of Christ.
Side note: An amazing trait my dad has is the ability to be legitimately happy for other people. I swear my father is the only person who can listen to someone tell him about an amazing vacation they just went on and not experience a single thought of jealousy. I think he gets as much joy about listening to a good vacation story as the people who went on it. If you ever want to make my dad happy just tell him about something really great that just happened to you. To the average person this would seem like boasting, but to my dad you will make his day with a good story.
Pinewood derby. We never won any prizes but he took me to Dairy Queen after so I count that as a win for me.
Another great lesson I have learned from my father is hard work. Now you all know me, so I'll be realistic about my definition of "hard work." I wasn't raised on no dairy farm. I remember every summer when I wasn't in school my dad would come wake me up early in the morning before he went to work. It seemed like it was 6 in the morning but in reality it was probably closer to 7:30 or 8. He would wake me up and immediately give me a list of chores I needed to get done that day. This list usually consisted of weeding that needed to be done, garages that needed to be swept, or lawns that needed to be mowed. Nothing to complain about. I am not a morning person, and would always argue about the injustice that I was the only one that he woke up and gave chores to. I would tell him that I would not do his chores and the second he left for work I would go back to sleep. He would then add a few more chores into my day and remind me what would happen if they were not done by the time he got home and then he would leave for work. I would spend the next 15 minutes waking up and slowly realizing that I had to do my chores and that I shouldn't have argued. This was an everyday routine for us. I'm not sure I ever had a day when I didn't get any chores added on for arguing. Bryan was completely opposite, whenever he was asked to do anything he would immediately say ok and then not do them. Dad always compared us to the two boys in the bible, the one who says he will do it and then doesn't (Bryan) and the one who say's he won't and then does (Me). If I remember right it says that the one who ends up doing it is better than the other one so I think I'm ok there. Bryan had better change his ways though or he might be in some trouble down the road.
Through these small chores I was asked to do I learned how to work. The greatest lesson I received in work still came from dad's example though. He would come home after a long day of work, change his clothes and go out to the yard to take care of whatever had to be done. (Usually fixing or completing the tasks he had given me) I remember seeing him outside working after he had already spent most of his day at the office. I would feel bad that he was the one working still while I had played all day and sometimes that guilt would drive me to go outside and join him with whatever he was doing, other times it didn't. I still regret the days that I didn't go out to help.
The scriptures warn us often to not be idle with our time and my dad cannot stand young kids wasting time. If I was ever sitting around doing nothing he would find me something to do. Even if that meant calling Michael Tucker and saying that I wanted to play golf that day and then calling me and telling me Michael wanted to play golf. We got fooled into playing a lot of unwanted golf. Yeah I know I had a rough childhood.
One of the greatest lessons in time management from my father came when I was a young kid. As homework I had received a word find puzzle. I was having trouble finding most of them so I went to my dad for help. He took a look at it for a second, and then started circling the words that I was missing. He handed it back to me and said, "There you go it's all done." I thanked him and then looked at the completed puzzle. Ngslaeh? Even I knew that wasn't a word. I quickly realized that he hadn't found the words at all, he had just circled random letters. I pointed out that the words he had circled weren't words at all. He put his arm around me and said, "Brad, do you really think your teacher is going to spend the time going through all these puzzles to see if you found every word on the list?" I thought about it for a second and realized there was no way the teacher was actually going to check our work here. That lesson has saved me hundreds of hours from doing pointless homework even through college. My dad taught me a valuable lesson of time management that day.
I've always known that my father had a strong testimony of the gospel but I never knew the strength of his faith until recently. I guess it's easy to believe and trust in God when everything is going well, it's through trials that your faith is tested. As my father has gone through some unexpected trials over the past few years, I have been amazed with the depth of his faith. Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I remember being on my mission and worrying about some of the trials my family was going through back home. I was very impressed with my dad's reaction. My father never once asked "why me?" Instead his response was, "This isn't a trial I would have asked for but if I were to compare it to other peoples' troubles, I'll stick with my own." He always trusted in the Lord and even though it wasn't easy, he tried to see the lesson that he was supposed to learn from it all. It isn't easy to stay positive in times of trial but somehow he was able to see the Lord's hand helping him along the way. His response to trials over the years has had a major impact on my own faith in Heavenly Father's plan.
I consider myself very blessed to have the father that I have. I firmly believe that God put us all in positions on this earth for us to be as successful as possible. Some people are strong enough that they didn't need a strong family in this life to learn the things they should. Other people do. I think they looked at me and said, "Let's get this kid the best father we have, because he is gonna need all the help he can get." I strongly believe this, and I am ok with it.
Growing up, I always felt like I had a very different personality than my dad. The older I get, I find myself acting more and more like him. There are times when I will be in a certain situation and think to myself, "that is exactly what my dad would have said/done. That was weird." I hope that I continue to become more like him because if I can turn into half of the man he is, then I will be in pretty good shape.
Happy Father's Day Dad!!! I love you
