My mom decided a while ago that she didn't want any more presents for mother's day and instead she wanted us to share a fond memory from our childhood. At first I thought that would make shopping a lot easier but I soon realized it wasn't. It is so hard to think of a single fond memory of my mother, not because I don't have any, but because I have too many! Anyone who knows my mom knows how much fun she is to be around so anytime I am with her is memorable to me. Usually great memories are easy to recall because they are so much better than the average ones, but with my mom all my memories are great. One thing I will always love about my mother is her sense of humor. We have a very similar sense of humor and I love being around her because she not only laughs at my jokes, but she makes me laugh as well. I am often impressed how she is able to laugh at minor setbacks and nothing seems to ever get her down. I am so blessed to have such an amazing woman in my life. I love you mom! Happy Mother's Day!
Well it's been a while since my last blog. Part of me thought I would never make another blog but my fans insisted that I write something new. I told them I would so here it goes. Mom and Dad, this is for you.
Facebook is amazing. It is useful in so many ways. It allows you to keep in touch with friends, share pictures, and most importantly, find out if someone is a crazy person. The way people use Facebook is fascinating to me. The way people update their status can tell you a lot about a person. I am always amazed at how some people can seem totally normal in real life but appear so crazy on Facebook. Some people use their Facebook status to update all their friends on everything that is going on in their life, no matter how trivial or lame they may be. I've never understood this. Are you so self-centered that you think we care about every detail about your life or are you just bored? Either way, I don't care that you just remember how much you like Cheetos so stop talking about it. That's not the point of this blog so before I get sidetracked let's just stop right there.
I like to think that my status updates are pretty funny. Since most of the things that happen on a daily basis on my life are usually uninteresting to other people, I usually try to post only when I have something funny to say. I like to think that my jokes are pretty witty and sometimes that wit can be lost on certain people. Nothing is worse than coming up with a zinger, posting it, and logging in at the end of the day only to see 0 thumbs up. It's almost as bad as than when you lose your phone for a couple days and the only missed calls you have are from your roommate when you were trying to find it. Almost. Over the last year or so, I have felt that some of my jokes haven't gotten the appropriate amount of thumbs up that they deserved. I don't know if this is because they were too sophisticated for my friends, or if there was a blackout right after they were posted and no one was able to read them. I'm leaning toward the blackout theory. But anyways, here are some status updates that I thought deserved a larger response than they got. Enjoy.
Right now you're probably thinking, "Is Brad seriously going to regurgitate old jokes in hopes of getting a few laughs? That is really pathetic." The answer is yes and I know and I don't care. To quote Robbie Hart, "I am writing this blog and you aren't, SO YOU WILL READ EVERY WORD I HAVE TO WRITE!"
1. Goin to the boat show to remind myself why I go to school
2. A tip for all you students out there: Going to take a big test thinking the sooner I finish this the sooner I can go snowboarding is not a good test taking strategy.
3. It's pretty disheartening to have to tell the doctor in an eye appointment, "I know its a big E, but I can't see it."
4. Having a college basketball game on while you study makes studying so much more enjoyable because it quickly turns into watching basketball and not studying at all
5. Three months ago I planned my schedule to not have class on thursdays and fridays so I could watch the NCAA tournament. You probably think I'm kidding but I'm not.
6. Why is facebook suggesting that I be friends with my 10th grade chemistry teacher who I hated? Does it know nothing about our past? I think facebook should do a little more research before it starts telling who I should and shouldn't be friends with.
7. Say no to racism? Isn't that what racism is? Saying no to other races?? - I thought that was a funny slogan. In my mind it's like an anti-violence campaign that says "kill violence"
8. Wait Lebron is announcing his decision tonight? Has he even met with the jazz yet???
9. New Balance, official sponsor of BYU students
10. I love watching the little league world series. You get to watch a bunch of young kids who will someday grow up to be annoying community college students
11. So excited for the Heat vs 2000 NBA all stars tonight
- This was before the season opener of Miami Heat vs. Boston Celtics. To get this you need a pretty good sports knowledge and high IQ so I get why it didn't get the response I was expecting.
12. It's too bad Boise State missed those field goals, maybe with that BCS money Idaho could afford to plow their highways.
- This little gem came after I was stopped in Northern Utah because of snowy roads in Idaho. Yeah I know, hilarious.
13. So is Logan Magnusson's make-a-wish dream to play for a division one college basketball team over now or does it last into the post season?
-This got a pretty good reception from BYU basketball fans
14. New rule. If athletes aren't allowed to use performance enhancing drugs in the super bowl, then entertainers aren't allowed to use auto tune.
Any laughs? Anyone??? Ouch, tough crowd. Well I guess I'd better keep my posts about my love for Cheetos.
As some of you may know, Leslie Nielsen passed away last week. If you are not familiar with his work, let me just tell you that when it comes to outrageous, over-the-top comedy he was the best there ever was. If you are ever in the mood to just laugh without using any brain activity whatsoever, then you should check out the Naked Gun series.
Not only was he funny in movies but he was also a great writer. As long as I can remember, I have had Leslie Nielsen's Stupid Little Golf Book in my bathroom. It is one of the funniest books I have ever read. I feel like it connected me to the game of golf as a young kid. Here is an excerpt from that book:
ARE YOU SWINGING HARD ENOUGH? Bad golfers look at Freddie Couples's slow, deliberate, effortless swing and say to themselves, "Gee, if I could just swing the club like that, I could hit the ball a mile." That's just plain nonsense. If you get up on the tee and swing that driver as easy as Freddie does, you'll hit the ball fifty-five yards. The only way the average player can get any distance is by swinging the club as hard as possible, and that total-power "killing" swing starts with a good solid death grip. Sam Snead said he held the club as lightly as he would if he had a live bird in his hands, but I want you to grab that thing as if you were throttling a poisonous snake or trying to squeeze one last bit of toothpaste out of a crowbar. To initiate your swing, clench your teeth in a firm "jaw press" and then pull the club sharply up. A good way to visualize this critical early part of the "takeaway" is to imagine you're whisking a tablecloth out from under an eleborately set-up banquet table. It doesn't matter if all the china and glasses end up on the floor -- you just want a nice, fast tugging motion that gets the club headed back in a hurry. The key to really powdering the ball is starting your downswing as early in your backswing as you can -- preferably before the club gets much higher than waist-high, and long before it has been raised into the power-robbing "busboy" position way up around your head. A lot of golfers say to themselves, "One-and-two" to get a sense of when to trigger the downswing. This is crazy. If you've got to count, just say "Two!" and smack the ball. The swinging motion you're after is somewhere between that long, lateral move the guy makes when he rings the gong at the beginning of J. Arthur Rank films and the forceful body-powered chopping stroke you'd use if you were demolishing a cinder-block wall with a sledgehammer. How can you tell if you've really gotten every last ounce of oomph at your command into the shot? Ideally, one or both of your feet should come out of your shoes, your club shaft should bounce sharply off your shoulder (I like to see a callus there), and your watch should stop. You aren't overswinging unless the club actually flies out of your hand (except on the drive, where this is normal), or the head comes off, or you finish your follow-through on your hands and knees (unless it's a long-iron, in which case this position is okay). I know what you're going to say. Why doesn't Freddie Couples swing hard andreallycrush the ball? Well, think about it. What is the use of a 725-yard drive on a 390-yard par-4?
Here is one of my favorite Leslie Nielsen clips. In this scene he is a detective posing as an umpire searching for someone who has a bomb. I think they were going to blow up the Queen of England, but I can't remember why she was at a baseball game. Yeah it's not the deepest movie I've ever seen but it was pretty darn funny.
Here is a picture I saw on a joke news site about his passing...
The headline was, "Pallbearers Carry Leslie Nielsen's Coffin Without Incident." I think that's just the kind of joke that he would enjoy.
After watching last night's Cavs Heat game there is something I gotta get off my chest because it has been driving me crazy. First of all, everyone should know that I love Lebron James. He is in my mind without-a-doubt the best player in the world and could very well be the best player that has ever played. Unless you have spent the last year in a cave, you have probably heard something about Lebron's "decision" this summer. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about I will sum it up quickly for you. Lebron James was the best player in the world as a high school player and was drafted first overall by the Cleveland Cavaliers. He played there for 7 years and this summer when his contract ran out with the Cavs he decided to leave and join the Miami Heat. His decision to leave was a live one hour special on ESPN. Ever since the decision, Cleveland fans have totally turned on Lebron and now hate him for "leaving."
Ok so last night the Heat played in Cleveland for the first time since he left. There was big hype about how the Cleveland fans would treat Lebron now that he is no longer a Cavalier and this is how it went:
Fast forward to 2:40
The entire Cleveland crowd booed every time he touched the ball. They held up all kinds of posters calling him a quitter and a traitor. There were multiple times where the crowd chanted profanities at him. In all of the sports I have watched in my life I have never seen a player get as much hate as he did from the Cleveland fans.
After last night I am convinced that the people in Cleveland are the stupidest people on the planet. I understand that they are mad that Lebron left their city but their hatred is totally misplaced. In the 7 years that Lebron played for the Cavs the 2nd best player they were able to get is Mo Williams, who wouldn't even start on a lot of teams in the NBA. Can you expect someone to win a championship by themselves? Jordan didn't do it, he had Pippen who is one of the 50 greatest players of all time. It became painfully obvious in the playoffs last year how dependent the Cavs were on Lebron. He was their entire team. Have you ever been in a situation where there were huge expectations for you and you had to do all the work? It's not very fun and can be extremely stressful. All of you foreign missionaries know what that is like. Ever had a companion that just couldn't speak the language? At first it doesn't bother you but then after a while you start to think, "why am I so tired all the time?" And you start to realize it's because you are having to do all the work. You kind of get used to it but then one day you go on exchanges with another capable missionary and you think, "wow this is fun, I wish I had a companion that could speak." Well that's what happened to Lebron. He played with Dwade and Bosh for the olympic team and he realized the cavs don't speak a word of slovak, and Bosh and Wade, well they're fluent.
The Cavs keep talking about how Lebron "betrayed" them. I don't understand what they mean by that because to betray someone implies that there had to be some sort of loyalty there in the first place. Now when he was under contract and they were paying him, he was loyal to the Cavs and he played his heart out for them, but when he is no longer under contract by them what was his loyalty to the Cavs? Everyone just assumes that since he grew up around there that that means he has some sort of connection with Cleveland. Well the fact is he's not from Cleveland, he's from Akron which is about 40 minutes away. Lebron himself has said before that growing up the kids in Akron didn't like Cleveland, and they didn't consider that to be their hometown. 40 minutes may not seem like much, that's about the distance from Utah Valley to Salt Lake. Would you expect someone who grew up in Salt Lake to feel connected to Provo or vice versa? Of course not.
Another thing is Cavs keep talking about "after all they did for Lebron" how could he leave them like that? After all you did for him??? Oh yeah you must be talking about when you reached out to a poor high school kid who no one thought would ever make it in the NBA. You gave him a chance and he grew into the best player in the world through your help. Oh wait no that's not what happened. What happened is you were one of the crappiest teams in the NBA and happened to get the 1st pick of the draft and the best player in the world happened to be living 40 minutes away. Any team in your place would have done the exact same thing you did and signed him to a max contract. The ONLY difference between you and the other teams is that David Stern happened to pick out a ping pong ball with your name on it.
I just wish the foolish people of Cleveland could see what really happened here. You had an opportunity to have the best player in the world play his entire career in your city, but your terrible basketball organization forced him out. They just assumed that he would never leave them no matter the fact that they had a terrible coach, and awful players. All the Cavs had to do was get Lebron an average team and they could win a championship. They had seven years to do it and they best they could come up with was Mo Williams and a washed up and out of shape Shaq. Do you think Lebron wanted to leave Cleveland?? Of course not. I'm sure he would have much rather stayed there his whole career and he would have if he thought they had a legitimate shot at winning a title. Seven years was enough for him to realize that with that organization a title was going to be impossible, even for the chosen one. I just wish the people of Cleveland could understand what really happened here because then they would see that they were betrayed, not by Lebron, but by their pathetic excuse for a basketball franchise.
So if you didn't watch last night's game you are probably wondering how Lebron handled the boos and ridicule that was yelled at him every time he touched the ball. This video sums it up pretty well...
Yeah as you can see those Cavs fans really got to him. They actually got in his head so bad that he sat and watched the entire fourth quarter on the bench.......... after scoring 38 points.
Lately I have been missing Slovakia a lot. I miss the people, places, language, and food. I've been seriously craving svickova (top) and halusky (bottom) and other delicious things. I never really thought I would miss it that much at the end of my mission but now that I have been back about a year and half I find myself thinking about it a lot. I will probably write some blogs about Slovakia pretty soon to get my mind off it, so you can look forward to that. In the meantime, here is one of my favorite Slovak songs. It's called Vcely by Zuzana Smatanova. It's a beautiful song. Nech sa paci (enjoy).
Before this summer I had been to Lake Powell once and it was arguably the worst week of my life.I won’t get into the details of why the trip was so bad but it started off with me towing our boat 18 hours to lake Powell and then it not working, so you can imagine how the rest of the week went.This ruined my opinion of Lake Powell and I never understood why Utah people loved it so much.I just kind of thought it was like Brian Reagan or cactus cooler, Utah people love them, but they are both terrible.
Luckily both trips this summer went much better than the first and I had a lot of fun.
One of the coolest things about Lake Powell are the incredible houseboats.Every houseboat has a name on the back and they are usually something clever.
Here are some examples of houseboat names I have seen:
I thought these were all pretty clever but there was one that stood out above them all and would definitely be on the back of my boat.It is actually a quote from Vikings’ receiver Randy Moss.He was fined $10,000 by the NFL so the reporters asked him how he was going to pay it and this is what he said.
Well I went and made a blog, I'm still not sure why. Maybe it was to finally put an end to all of the people begging me everyday to finally make one. I figure I should just give in and give the people what they want. Ok I made that last part up. I think one time somebody did ask me why I don't have a blog though. I am not sure what will be on my blog yet, but from what I know about myself I can imagine it will contain the following things:
1. Things that I find annoying
2. BYU sports and my opinions on them
3. Sports in general
4. Gospel related topics
5. Funny videos I have seen on the internet
I have been following some blogs for the last couple years and there are a lot of things that annoy me about them. See one post in and I'm already talking about things that annoy me... anyways these are what I feel blogs should not be:
1. A Diary to share extremely personal things that nobody wants to read about
2. A daily log of what your kids did that day, regardless of whether it was interesting or not
3. A spot to post 100 pictures of the last vacation you took (3 or 4 is plenty)
I thought for my first post I should give a shout out to some people who I think are great bloggers and have inspired me to start my very own blog. So here is my top 5 blogs:
(With each blog I have added a link to a solid article they have written)
#5- Siamese Twins (Mitch Poth) Mitch really shouldn't be on the list because he has about one new post in the last 8 months, but when this blog started it was pretty good. Now those of you who know Mitch know that he isn't the deepest thinker, so he isn't blogging about current social problems and politics. Mitch blogs about what he knows, which has led to some pretty funny articles on his opinions on otter pops and an ode to fanny packs.
#4- Dallin's Friday Night Write (Dallin Shaw) Dallin also hasn't had much to say in the last few months but his blog posts are usually pretty solid. You can tell that he takes the time because his writing always sounds good. His opinions are always bogus and couldn't be more wrong, but his articles are usually pretty funny.
#3- 5 Minutes Wasted (Jared and Lindsay Bates) This is one of the most entertaining family blogs I have ever seen. Both Jared and Lindsay are hilarious writers and they only blog about interesting things that are going on in their family. This Halloween blog is one of the funniest things I have ever read.
#2- Nielsen Life (Kacey Nielsen) Ok it probably helps that she is my sister and I find all of her blogs interesting because they are usually about my niece and nephew, but that isn't the only reason she made #2 on the list. Kacey is a very gifted writer and photographer. Her posts always have great pictures of the kids and the way she uses the pictures in her posts make them so much more entertaining and readable. Anytime I see a new post on my google reader pop up from Kacey I know it's gonna be a good one.
#1- Because I Said So (Peggy Earl) Writing is just one of my mom's many talents. All of her blog posts are always well written and funny. Ok I know that most of the other blogs on the top 5 also featured good writing and humor so you are probably wondering what does this blog have that the others don't that pushed it to the top? This blog features two tributes to myself, so the other blogs really never stood a chance. This contest was over before it even started.
